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EPISODE 29: Interview with Alexandria Mendoza (When Parents Divorce)
In this conversation, Alexandria Mendoza joins me to share how she chose to lay down the heavy burden of childhood trauma and rewrite her family story through the power of deep forgiveness and safe love.
When we are children, we are constantly absorbing information. We unconsciously adopt the patterns, reactions, and environments of the home we grow up in. This environment ultimately forms our world view. And, for many of us, those early years teach us how to survive rather than how to live.
On the latest episode of the Wholehearted Impact Podcast, I sat down with a beautiful member of our Majors Realty Group family, Alexandria Mendoza. At just twenty-three years old, Alex carries a profound maturity and a story that shifts your perspective on what it means to break family cycles. Growing up in Los Angeles before moving to Fairbanks, Alaska, Alex and her sister quietly navigated a home life overshadowed by severe domestic abuse and mental health struggles from their father.
Our conversation was a gentle reminder that you can acknowledge the deep wounds of your past without allowing suffering to become your permanent identity.
Listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or watch on YouTube.
Releasing the Weight of Past Abuse
For nearly eighteen years, Alex lived in an environment defined by fear and control. As a child, she reacted to the environment by unconsciously inheriting and normalizing these behaviours. It was only as she grew older that she realized living with daily abuse is, in fact, not normal.
Alex shares how her mother fought fiercely to change the trajectory of their lives, eventually pulling the family out of that toxic cycle and into safety.
Many people who experience childhood trauma carry that heavy weight of past abuse with them into adulthood. Sometimes, we carry it around unknowingly because no one saw us suffering when we were younger, and we want the world to finally acknowledge our pain. But Alex made a definitive choice. She decided that the heavy cloak did not belong to her anymore. She and her family chose to focus on redefining their definition of trauma, and ultimately how that trauma would affect the rest of their lives.
Actionable Steps to Break a Generational Cycle
- Notice your patterns without shame: Pay attention to your automatic reactions and triggers.
- Forgive from a safe distance: You can release the heavy burden of resentment for your own peace of mind while still maintaining firm boundaries.
- Be intentional with the people you surround yourself with: These people will inevitably shape your future.
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- Pause and breathe through the triggers: When anger or anxiety flares up, take a deep breath to ground your body in the present moment.
- Separate the pain from your worth: Recognizing that a parent’s hurtful behavior was a reflection of their own unaddressed mental health struggles or inherited trauma doesn’t excuse what they did, but it reminds you that you were never the problem.
Forgiveness Without Access
One of the most profound lessons Alex shares is her perspective on forgiveness. Growing up in a faith-based home, she knew the biblical call to forgive. However, forgiving an abusive parent is not always an easy process.
Through healing, Alex learned to cultivate compassion for her father, while still protecting her own future.
Forgiveness does not mean welcoming a toxic person back into your life, nor does it mean accepting what they did. It simply means releasing the heavy burden of holding judgment against them. Resentment is like holding a hot coal and expecting it to burn somebody else, but instead, it just ends up burning you. When you forgive, your grip on the coal is released. You can extend grace from a distance while keeping healthy, protective boundaries in place.
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash
Rewriting the Expectations of Love
Unhealed trauma often causes us to live in a “worst-case scenario” mindset, especially when it involves relationships. We live in constant anticipation of the next conflict. Alex admits that she assumed her husband would naturally mirror the behaviour she witnessed from her father growing up.
But meeting her fiancé (now husband!), Robert, completely rewrote her expectations of family leadership, and what it means to live in a safe, secure environment, free from abuse, shame and fear.
Walking through a healing journey alongside a supportive, empathetic partner showed Alex that households can operate in peace. Disagreements can happen through calm communication rather than verbal attacks. By intentionally choosing who she surrounds herself with and guarding her inner circle, Alex has successfully changed the trajectory of her future. She now has a healthy perspective on love and marriage and is consciously making decisions that will one day benefit the children she will raise.
The pain you inherited might be part of your history, but it does not get to write the final chapter of your life. You have permission to lay that weight down and walk in grace.
Ready to hear Alex share her journey in her own words? Listen to Episode 29 of the Wholehearted Impact Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube.
Thank you for holding space for these honest, human conversations.
Sending you so much grace and peace. 🤍
With all my love and purpose,
Jen Majors
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